I’ve been feeling progressively more agitated, desperate and tearful. I’ve had intense yearnings to self-harm (even though I don’t – bear with me on this one…), and yesterday, I’ve had to physically stop myself from throwing a home-baked loaf of bread across the kitchen in absolute anger.
After much soul searching (there is so much more to this than I can put into words right now – in the middle of making dinner, but I just need to get it out), we thought maybe I am somehow feeling what my step daughter is feeling. Physically. Emotionally. Only I can’t make sense of it, because it all happened so suddenly. The shift in how I was feeling. I found myself breaking down, crying, and screaming – and I even sounded like her… We decided there must be a reason for this.
I asked my step daughter to sit down with me, and it turns out that every single physical sensation I’ve been feeling, everything I have struggled with, everything I said was what she had felt. And instantly, it was like our souls switched again, and I was back. Back in control, and she was able to talk and feel what she was feeling openly.
It was weird.
I FEEL her. Truly truly FEEL her. Now that I know, life will be easier again. It scares me a bit, but this is what happened. So odd… I hope she’ll be able to start talking.
Lots of love xxx